Fear blocks Creativity

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Fear is an absolute blocker to one’s creativity. Be it fear of imperfection or failure. Just like any individual, I have suffered an ample number of fears in my journey called life. One such painful fear that had shattered my creativity until few days before was ‘To Write’.

Writing always fascinated me. From a very young age, I loved to play around with words forming sentences, getting them grammatically right ,weaving small stories out of it and treasuring them in my secret dairy. I hid it under my  bed always. I loved my dairy more than any friend. Infact, my dairy is my first love. With love, came possessiveness. Yes, I would hate anybody touching it even by mistake .I called it a ‘A piece of my heart’. My version as it is. I remained honest to it.I wrote in all circumstances. About everything that mattered to me, about every topic I cared about or hated it the most. Basically ,good bad and everything in between.

I wrote in all moods and at any given time of the day. I randomly chose topics like happiness, frustration, love, life, loneliness, relationship, parents, studies what not. Sounds good till now? .I wanted to write and I wrote so you can ask me  what more I wanted?. Indeed, I suffer a lot of fear to write, thinking what others might mock at how I felt, about my imperfection in my language. I would not say that my feelings were for display and publicity but I was haunted by fear from sharing it with others. I wanted to write more. But I did not. A hoard of topics and thoughts rose their voice in my mind and died out without any notice. Few works made their way until my dairy pages and were left orphaned half the way. Fear killed my creativity.

Overtime, writing was no longer my hobby. My passion was dying out, slowly, crumbling under the fierce feet of fear. Fear of failure. Fear of not writing like other successful people did. I regretted it a lot and curse myself to death but fear had its upper hand versus my creativity. And I did not like the game.

One fine evening , I held some ginger tea in hand and stood leaning against  the door which opened to the backyard, a million thoughts were crossing my mind in bizarre fashion. I was undergoing few employment issues of late and was entrapped in a vicious circles of worry. I felt alone. Alone ,under sun. Future was blocked with fog of fear. I looked lost. I heard somebody screaming to rescue me. She looked familiar. Someone close to my heart. Old, tired and empathetic though. She offered her hands for help. My dairy. Much trusted friend. I dusted her gently  from the window pane. Tears helped her shine like before. Her fragrance filled my senses. As I flipped over the pages ,I recalled how much I missed writing. My scribbled emotions,my adocity with generous dose of stupidity and vent out all she hug with patience,embraced me as me.What a silent listener she was and how well she helped me heal.

I had hit  the rewind button of my life for a while . As I read through, my face adorn with smile after a long time. That moment, I felt it like a luxury to rejoice and pride to soak in. Those words remind me of how strong I remained to fight the awful battles in the past or how a little poetess in me had rhymed those simple lines to celebrate small victories  .The writing was impromptu yet strong.

I relived those moments.

Fear had killed my creativity .A ruthless self-critic in me had further tore the corpse into pieces.

How much I had missed my dairyLL

Then a fresh thought stuck. I wanted to start a blog . A much procastinated task from years though. I read many blogs but didnot dare to own one.so what do it call it? I had Life, I had to live, I was undergoing superlative of craziness. I combined all above pieces to form ...

Livetolovelifecrazy.blogspot.com.

I named it ‘Whispers of Hope’. Felt much apt to my mood.

I felt some strength filling my nerves. I realised  I had mustered courage over time. I had figured out how crawling out of fear zone with all might can help one succeed.

Much to my mood, the dark clouds just like my fear had subsided and the sky shone pristine clear with some rays of hope.

And thus …

The journey began. 

Again.

 In a new form.

I fell in love again.

With my creative cap on.

 Fearless this time.

Cheers,

Linking it to Write Tribe Festival #Day 3 #FearblocksCreativity#